Things Will Go Wrong > Holiday Shopping Dress Code

Here I am hiding in shame between paper plates and the frozen vegetable section of my local everything store. You know, no man's land. It's that dim place in every store along the back wall, where people go to guiltily abandon full carts and where employees go hide to use their cell phones. It 's the same place where you find the moth balls (Who uses those things?!) in case you were wondering.

I started this trip feeling pretty good about myself. It was later in the evening, and I had a glorious free moment to get some holiday shopping in while shopping for other mundane stuff everyone always dreads having to buy; and I was getting it done early! No last minute Christmas shopping out of the dredges that no one else wanted, for me! Yay me!

Except no one told me that there was an Holiday dress code in effect. Did someone forget to forward me the mass email? Had I been distracted by all the holiday ads and missed the newspaper announcement stating that when heading to the stores this season, everyone is dressing up? Whether it be shopping for toilet paper or for a Nerf super shooter, everyone will be dressed in their finest outfits?!



As I was out schlumping around in my fake uggs with a spaghetti stain from that night's dinner, the horror of my under dress-ness hit me. It was not just all those people who put on clean jeans - we're talking about a parade of cute winter hats, stylish boots, festive sweaters, hair that has seen a brush, and even (gasp!) maybe a curling iron, and full make up. We're talking date night make up, or parent teacher conference make up,( and not just the under eye concealer you slap on so people don't think you drink all night after the kids are in bed.)

Oh, and I had forgot the cardinal rule of Holiday shopping no matter where you go: you will run into EVERYONE. By everyone I mean your old boyfriend and his gorgeous wife, your arch nemesis from high school, your neighbors from your old house where you grew up, your children's teachers, and probably even some of the very same family members that you are trying to shop for. Basically no one you'd EVER want to see running around in your "mom" uniform.

And here I am, out looking like a super nanny reject, panicking, because I've already seen a couple of people that can pick me out in a line up. I have no shame in admitting that I'm rounding those end caps like a secret agent and ninja crawling past the aisles that might have a person that could possibly identify me, my special "mom" jeans, and old sweatshirt - complete with dog hair applique. I'm satellite tracking those familiar voices, making sure I'm keeping the minimum, 2 aisle safety barrier, between me and an awkward conversation; which would end with them eyeballing my spaghetti stain.

Why did no one send me the memo!!

Heads up ladies (and men): Tis the season for shopping and looking merry, (AKA High School Reunion Hair & Makeup.) You might even need to break out that dreaded holiday pin your grandma gave you last year. Me? I'm keeping a hair straightener and a wardrobe change in the car, just in case...



~Angela

p.s. Please do all of us a favor and leave those Christmas crop tops at home though...