Today I'm going to tell you a tale of when I was a girl and I became slightly obsessed with Nair hair removal commercials. You know, the ones where those bouncy teen aged girls danced around on the beach and sang that mind numbingly catchy song, "Who wears short shorts?! We wear short, shorts!" That song, not the hair removal part - I was eight, was my and all my little friends summer anthem as we (in our summer shorts) jumped on my bed, belting out our love for short, shorts.
Now that I'm not so little, my love for the song still goes strong, but now in my head it goes a little something like this: "Who loves mid - to lower thigh short, shorts. We love, mid - to lower thigh short, shorts. Yes we do!
Have you seen the summer shorts in fashion recently? They are more like panties pretending to be shorts. Shanties!! And they are everywhere. It is a sign of the bad economy when retailers are saving on fabric costs by selling high priced booty shorts??
Really if you think about it the only people that legally pull off short shorts with the fashion police are supermodel Giselle Bundchen, anyone that has never been visited by the cellulite fairy (that's where it comes from in my mind -it's DEFINITELY not from my love of Dairy Queen cool treats), and Tom Selleck circa Magnum PI; another thing I was obsessed with as a girl. Yes, I was an odd child.
If you are Richard Simmons (seriously Richard, when your white man afro is bigger than your shorts, it is time to get SOME LONGER SHORTS) or have children that will fake a seizure to make sure you don't go out in public in short shorts; it is time to stay away from said short, shorts!
For the safety and respectability of all, here are some great - not so short shorts, that won't look like granny ware and are fashionably cute:
