Things Will Go Wrong > A Storm's A - Comin!

Here in the Pacific Northwest we are expecting our first major snow of the year - up to 8"! I hear your snarky laughing, Montana girls, but for us that is some major winter activity.

This forecast is giving me anxiety for the following reasons:

• I'm allergic to the snow shovel. It's true. I break out in hives...
• There's going to be a snow day. The kids have spent more days at home in the last 30, than in school.  My grocery bill is killing me and if I have to play another game of Uno, I'm gonna run away el' uno.
• It's been cold, cold, cold, and Winter is giving me a bad case of cabin fever. I love my house but I don't want to be there 24/7. I'd rather be out helping with the search party for the sun...or shopping. Yea, shopping.
• Several of my friends are slowly torturing me with sunny pictures from Disneyland and Disney World. Seriously, girls, have some compassion for those of us who are slowly freezing  to death when you are Facebooking. Sheesh! Okay, maybe that was a little melodramatic...
• I love to snow sled but I hate snowpants almost as much as I hate swimsuits. One year I tried to get away with just wearing dark pants and that ended with horrified children because I looked like I had peed myself...  Maybe I had, some of those Carmichael runs are white knucklers!

So in an effort to save my sanity here are a few snow day activities that are fun for kids AND their mamas, or any of you ladies who are stuck inside:

• Play in the mud:



Okay, not this kind of mud. Even that cow is thinking, "Ewwww!". I'm talking a fun, chocolate, mud mask facial for Moms and kids. Yes, I said chocolate.

Chocolate Facial Mask:

1/3 c. Cocoa powder

3 T. Heavy cream

2 t. Cottage cheese

1/4 c. Honey

3 t. Oatmeal

~Mix well using a small blender. Smooth onto face. Relax for 10 minutes and then rinse.

Or eat it. Whichever...This could be a fun kitchen activity and snack all in one, and everyone gets soft, yummy smelling, skin. Yay, everyone wins!

• Christmas Card Recycling. I'm sure a lot of you have Christmas cards still laying around, right? How about some crafty  recycling:

Christmas card trees

Have the kids make mini houses:

Have some great laughs and make wacky photo collages from the photo cards you received this season:

This is a real Christmas card but you get the drift, right? Give them glasses or hats, or put them on a beach or riding an elephant. It always a guaranteed laugh when you tape a top hat to someone's head. I have a cute "NRA" (no joke) themed Christmas card from one of my friends that I'm dying to use. Mabe I'll post pics... 

• Or how about bringing the outside activities in.

Bowling:

@ Ucreate

Go to the drive-in movies:

Play some volleyball with a balloon:

• If all else fails, just eat your way through a snow day. Today is the day that you scrounge around in your pantry and you finally make that old package of muffins, cookies, brownies, or anything else you got suckered into buying at Costco and then never made. Or use up your coconut - doesn't everyone have a weird bag that they don't know where it came from or how long its been there...?

• Or make Snow Cream!

1 gallon snow

1 cup white sugar

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

2 cups milk

Directions: When it starts to snow, place a large, clean bowl outside to collect the flakes. When full, stir in sugar and vanilla to taste, then stir in just enough milk for the desired consistency. Serve at once.     

Make sure you read clean snow, although eating dirty snow all those years, didn't seem to hurt my little brothers...

For you ladies who get to spend a snow day by yourself, here are a few ideas for you lucky ladies:

• Make today "Ladiscape Day". Get out the paraffin wax kit, pedispa, exfoliating kit, or anything else that's been stuck under your bathroom sink since it was given to you on Mother's Day or last year's Valentines Day and give yourself a little winter spa day.
• Catch up on all those trashy and frivolous TV shows that you never get to watch because your husband acts like he's having a seizure when you turn them on. Us real housewives need to stick together! You can even watch them online on your laptop or smart phones - in bed!
• Take a bubble bath and catch up on your pile of magazines we all have under the table. Or better yet, check out a free digital book or cookbook from your library. (Seriously, if you haven't done this you need to try it! Just log on to your local library's website and follow the instructions.)
• Go through all your "favorites" bookmarks on your computer and get inspired all over again. Make a new recipe, rearrange your decor, or follow a tutorial on how to jazz up those family photos.
• Discover Pinterest! If you haven't already heard of it, it's a virtual pin board where people put photos that they like or inspire them onto different themed "boards"; and then it gets shared with all the other users. Okay, that was officially the worst description of Pinterest ever, but if you click the red "P" on the right hand side of this blog you can see what we've been "pinning." A word of caution: this site is very addictive! You will find yourself planning a pretend wedding, decorating rooms in your house you don't even have, putting together fantasy wardrobes, and drooling over delicious recipes, oh and losing track of all time and space around you. You've been warned. But do it anyway.
  
  

Have a great snow day!

~Angela

P.S. If anyone knows where to find jegging snowpants, please call me ASAP.

Things Will Go Wrong > New Years Resolutions

It's a new year and with it comes all of those well intended, never really going to happen, New Year's resolutions. Even just the word "resolution" makes the slacker in me sweat.

Let's not be too hard on ourselves.  Sure, we all have good intentions of waking up at 5am to "Just Dance" ourselves into a sweaty, calorie killing, lather (5am is the only hour when there are no witnesses to see your special brand of 'dancing'); and trying our darnedest to not use that high decibel "voice" with the kids. You know which one I'm talking about... 

No, this year we WILL NOT yell at the kids and hubby like a boot camp sergeant. We WILL NOT cave and go through the Starbucks drive thru the same amount of times we go thru our own driveway. We WILL use the elliptical at home for more than just a clothes drying rack. Hoorah!!

Until...we don't. But don't be too hard on yourselves ladies. I've got one New Years resolution habit that is so easy even I, the official resolution flunkee, could stick with it!

Take a look at my 2012 Smash Jar:

What? Not impressed? Wait till you hear what goes in it!

I'm not a scrapbooker and I'm terrible about remembering to bring the camera everywhere, so I usually rely on good Miss. Memory for recalling my major life moments. Let's just say she's not too reliable these days, and my kids LOVE it when I tell them funny things they did when they were little - when I can remember them! This year I wanted to find a way to record all the funny and great things that happen daily around here, so I decided to use this jar as a easy, no stress, way to capture  2012 without relying on my feeble mind.

Remember those "smash books" you had from junior high, where you would jot down all the funny and cringe - worthy moments from your overly dramatic life? Or your friends would pass it around and add their equally overly dramatic comments? Well this jar is kind of the same with out all the tears, hormones, and OMG's. This jar is your, "I got to remember this", super convenient, easy to do, memory keeper for the year.

Still not impressed? Here's how it works. So lets say your son tells you that he will never love anyone more than you. Aww. Grab a scrap of paper, write it down with the date, and throw it in your super duper jar. Or, your son tells you that you should probably check to see if the back of your pants are dirty, because he saw dad trying to grab something off of your butt...put that in the jar. Or, you watch your son high five your other son after he taught him to do his very first basketball lay up. Jot it down, throw it in the jar.

Are you catching on? At the end of next year dump out all your little scraps of paper and read all those great little moments that you would have otherwise forgotten. There are a million things you could do with your lovely memory scraps, like glue the little pieces of paper into a journal, or turn them into a book and add in some pics at the end of each year.

You can even get your kids in on it. Just be sure to place your jar some place were it's easy for everyone to drop a note in.

Happy jotting! I'm off to spend my kids college money on a Starbucks tall caramel latte.

~Angela

Things Will Go Wrong > Holiday Shopping Dress Code

Here I am hiding in shame between paper plates and the frozen vegetable section of my local everything store. You know, no man's land. It's that dim place in every store along the back wall, where people go to guiltily abandon full carts and where employees go hide to use their cell phones. It 's the same place where you find the moth balls (Who uses those things?!) in case you were wondering.

I started this trip feeling pretty good about myself. It was later in the evening, and I had a glorious free moment to get some holiday shopping in while shopping for other mundane stuff everyone always dreads having to buy; and I was getting it done early! No last minute Christmas shopping out of the dredges that no one else wanted, for me! Yay me!

Except no one told me that there was an Holiday dress code in effect. Did someone forget to forward me the mass email? Had I been distracted by all the holiday ads and missed the newspaper announcement stating that when heading to the stores this season, everyone is dressing up? Whether it be shopping for toilet paper or for a Nerf super shooter, everyone will be dressed in their finest outfits?!



As I was out schlumping around in my fake uggs with a spaghetti stain from that night's dinner, the horror of my under dress-ness hit me. It was not just all those people who put on clean jeans - we're talking about a parade of cute winter hats, stylish boots, festive sweaters, hair that has seen a brush, and even (gasp!) maybe a curling iron, and full make up. We're talking date night make up, or parent teacher conference make up,( and not just the under eye concealer you slap on so people don't think you drink all night after the kids are in bed.)

Oh, and I had forgot the cardinal rule of Holiday shopping no matter where you go: you will run into EVERYONE. By everyone I mean your old boyfriend and his gorgeous wife, your arch nemesis from high school, your neighbors from your old house where you grew up, your children's teachers, and probably even some of the very same family members that you are trying to shop for. Basically no one you'd EVER want to see running around in your "mom" uniform.

And here I am, out looking like a super nanny reject, panicking, because I've already seen a couple of people that can pick me out in a line up. I have no shame in admitting that I'm rounding those end caps like a secret agent and ninja crawling past the aisles that might have a person that could possibly identify me, my special "mom" jeans, and old sweatshirt - complete with dog hair applique. I'm satellite tracking those familiar voices, making sure I'm keeping the minimum, 2 aisle safety barrier, between me and an awkward conversation; which would end with them eyeballing my spaghetti stain.

Why did no one send me the memo!!

Heads up ladies (and men): Tis the season for shopping and looking merry, (AKA High School Reunion Hair & Makeup.) You might even need to break out that dreaded holiday pin your grandma gave you last year. Me? I'm keeping a hair straightener and a wardrobe change in the car, just in case...



~Angela

p.s. Please do all of us a favor and leave those Christmas crop tops at home though...



Things Will Go Wrong > Reporting live from my closet

I intended to have a fabulously crafty post today.

Really, I did.

Instead, what I have, is one crazy disaster after another. Oh, BTW - I'm stuck in my closet.

So I decided share it with all of you in true Chaos & Gloss form. First up, the ugly:

THE CHAOS:

My computer's internal Wifi isn't working, so I am having to connect with a cable to my modem/router where it comes into my house- which is in my closet. Under the stairs.

It's all very Harry Potter-ish without all the fun magic and with a lot of swear words that I'm pretty sure Harry wouldn't say...

I am having to diaper my dog.

Yes, we here in my household have long since said goodbye to those days, but I am now having to wrestle down a jack russel terrier, that is possessed by the strength of a mastiff, to tape her into her doggie diaper. Yep. A doggie diaper.

All things motorized and mechanical at our house have decided to go on strike until further notice or until we have spent our all of our savings on them. They are not cheap dates. I am now wishing that I had bought that Missoni bike from Target so that I have some transportation...

I went to my son's very touching Veteran's Day assembly

in a great Frock Me Friday outfit, only to discover that my shirt was OBVIOUSLY inside out. Which was less mortifying because it was covered by a great chunky knit sweater. Until I started to sniffle and SWEAT from said sweater and the effort to not cry from all the heartfelt pictures and stories. My sweet son came over to hug me after it was over and said, "Mom, you are all sweaty and hot! Why don't you take off your sweater?" My son is a genius, which is great because his mother is an idiot.

I am having 20 people over to

 my house for Thanksgiving and my house looks like a bad game of I Spy. Ya know, can you spy the cordless phone in this Mount Everest pile of laundry... can you spy the your winter coat under this carpet made of shoes, hats, gloves, and backbacks...?!

THE GLOSS

My son came to me in the morning and said, "Hello, best momma in the whole wide world." Awwww. My heart melts.

Then he asked if he could have Halloween candy for breakfast, but I'm positive that the two are not related...

I also received a special, hand drawn, "monster identification book", because my other son said, "just in case, mom." So I am all set and protected if I come across any unidentifiable monsters.

Thanks, son!

Now I have to get out of this closet and clean, because somone's shoes really stink in here. A better post tomorrow, I promise!

~Angela

Things Will Go Wrong >You Don't Scare Me, I Have 3 Boys

*All of these pictures were taken by my boys*

My adorable boys have:

~Torn down a ceiling fan while hanging from it.

~Ripped off keys k, j, anf f4 from my laptop keyboard

~Accidentally shot out the neighbors double pane backdoor slider with a bbgun.

~Dumped a Costco size jug of pancake syrup all over our once new couch (which we still 

have) and carpet.

~Slid down the stairs in a sleeping bag, putting a hole in the wall at the bottom

~Carved their initials into my dining room table.

~Turned my hard wood floors into an indoor skating rink by waxing them with a tub of vaseline

~Found a mystical place in the universe where all DVD, TV remotes and cordless phones go to live for all eternity, never to be seen or found by an adult.

~Discovered that practicing writing your name all over your house is best to do with a sharpie pen, because it NEVER gets erased.

For those of you that don’t have boys: Yes, I supervise them. Yes, we do have rules in our house. Yes, over half of these events happened while my husband was “watching” them.

No, I am not blind or hearing impaired.

For those of you who have boys: No explanation needed, right?

Everyday with a boy is an adventure, some scarier than others. I wouldn't change it for the world, because for all of the horrified moments that these events brought; it also brings a little giggle every time I think of them and the horrified looks THEY had when they got busted.

~Angela
P.S. Has anyone seen my mini cheese grater? Last time it was missing I found it in the sandbox...

Things Will Go Wrong > Puppied

I have fantasies of babies. Sweet smelling, chubby, drooly, babies, even though my babies are getting older and my husband can't have no' babies no'more. He is done and I am not; but that does not stop me from having crazy thoughts of becoming miraculously pregnant again (and having a justification for this baby belly I'm still sporting around). Well that was till our family decided to adopt a puppy from a rescue foundation.

She is so cute and snuggly, and we are such suckers. We previously adopted our lab, Gunner, when he was 2 years old. He IS the perfect dog and we all adore him. So what could go wrong this time around? I needed something to cuddle STAT!

Now I am sleep deprived. I have cleaned my carpets more than I have ever cleaned anything before. I am constantly feeding her, cleaning her (she loves to roll in the most disgusting things), and pulling things out of her mouth. I have baby gates up, and I am constantly worried she will escape somewhere, and panic when I don't know where she is at. She has some special needs, she is a nervous pooper, and is constantly hacking things up. She has no manners and thinks everyone is her personal chew toy, food buffet, and salt lick. I am exhausted!

I always cringe when people compare their pets to having children. I mean really?! You really think your crazy cat, Muffin is just like having a child?! Ughh! But ask me if I have any desire for a baby now.

Nope.
None.
Not even one little tiny twinge.

I am open to baby nieces and nephews though, just as long as they don't poop on my living room throw pillows.

Angela